I’m seeing something about myself that’s not good, but it’s necessary that I see it. The Lord, in His abundant grace, mercy and love is pulling back the veil of my heart to show me what lurks in the shadows.
He’s doing this so that I might get free of it and walk with Him in new freedom.
What am I seeing?
I’m discovering – I say “discovering” because I’m still in the midst of this journey – I’m ‘discovering’ that I seek God primarily for what He can do for, to and through me. I have to say that again slowly to myself to try to understand this; “I primarily seek God for what He can do for, to and through me.”
So what’s wrong with that?
Well, at first glance it doesn’t look too bad. At least it didn’t look too bad to me. I seek God to understand what He wants me to do – to learn more about the work in which He’s inviting me to partner with Him. What He wants to do ‘through’ me. I ask Him to work through me to somehow touch the lives of people for His glory. Sounds pretty good to me…
I also seek Him for what He wants to do ‘for’ me. I want to rely on the Lord’s strength, to not do things on my own. I ask the Lord to move on my behalf, to open doors that are closed, to grant favour where needed to do what I believe He has called me to do, to grant me influence to again do what He’s asking me to do for the benefit of others. Ok, sounds pretty good to me…
I also seek Him for what He wants to do ‘to’ me: Your Kingdom come and Your will be done in me and through me Lord. Change my heart God. Free me from that which hinders me from serving you. Fill me with the Holy Spirit; less of me and more of you…sounds pretty good to me.
Is any of this bad? No. Is it wrong for me to seek God this way? No. Am I missing something? Yes.
So what am I missing?
I realize I’m seeking Him for me, not for Him. My love for Him is a selfish love.
I want to learn to seek Him for Him. He’s the pearl of great price. He’s the treasure. He’s the goal. He’s love. He’s life. He’s the destination, the objective.
What would my relationship with my wife be like it I only pursued her for what she could do for, to and through me? Not good! I try to pursue her to delight in her. To enjoy who she is – period. Not because of what she can do for me.
Years ago I read a book called We Would See Jesus by Roy and Revel Hession. I’m now rereading it. One particular aspect of the book – its core message – profoundly impacted me at the time. Sadly, my grasp of that truth has slowly eroded over the years. Here is the truth,
“’What is the purpose of life?’ it is to know, and to love and to walk with God; that is to see God.”
The famous Westminster Confession answered the question, “What is the chief end of man?”:
“Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.”
I have focussed on the doing, on the working, on the service, on the accomplishing for God. In doing so I’ve missed an aspect of knowing God. Yes, I know God to a certain degree, but there is something more to knowing Him for Him, not for what He can do to, for and through me.
Lord, I don’t totally understand, but would You please shift my heart, help me to know You, to see You, to love You, for You. I want to learn to delight in You – period. To enjoy You – period. To love You – period.
Lord, please help all of us to seek You for You. Would you birth a hunger in us for You – period.
We would see Jesus.
Psalm 27:4
“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.”
Psalm 42:1, 2
“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?”
Philippians 3:8
“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ”