Click to watch “You’ve Got a Friend”
My good buddy Brad recently had a birthday. We had a little celebration at our house group that Brad and his wife Colleen happen to lead. He spoke affectionately about being able to share his special day with the special people gathered in their living room.
We sang happy birthday as Colleen brought in a cupcake with a candle for Brad to blow out. We all feasted on our own chocolate cupcakes following his lead. It was a simple heartfelt ceremony for a man we all know and love. Words were shared to somehow communicate our appreciation for Brad.
There was something I wanted to share, that I didn’t. Something I have noticed about Brad and how he lives life. Something I admire very deeply about him. Something I wish I could somehow clone from him and inject it into me. I wanted to verbalize a simple observation that has profound ramifications:
“Brad, you have many friends because you are a friend to many.”
Brad has an incredible capacity to befriend others; to care for others; to love others; to serve others; to give to others, to show interest in others. Simply put, he has friends because he is a friend.
He befriends people in many, many different ways. He shares a kind word. He offers practical help of some kind. He practices hospitality at home and at restaurants. He volunteers. He phones. He emails. He texts – just to see what’s up and how you’re doing. He gives his time, talent and treasure to others.
He has friends, because he befriends.
We all want friends. Oftentimes, people are desperate for friends, or friendship, to meet a need in themselves. We may feel lonely or discouraged or rejected, and want the friendship of others to make us feel better. Or we may be insecure about our own value and worth and look to others to make us feel better about our self.
Real friends do not look to others and ask “What can you do for me?”, they look to others and ask, “What can I do for you?”. They understand their lives are far richer when they spend themselves for the benefit of others, and far poorer when they spend others for their own benefit.
True friends are there when you need them. True deep friendship always begins with one person choosing to give, choosing to care. Sure you may encounter many people who will be willing to simply receive whatever you have to give without necessarily giving much back. But you will also find others who reciprocate with the same or similar degree of friendship you are offering.
Being a friend automatically creates friends. Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”
Instead of asking who your friends are, I would encourage you to ask, “Whose friend are you?”
Who have you befriended? Who do you reach out to to offer care, encouragement, service, support, and camaraderie?
Henry Ford said, “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”
Whose best do you bring out?
Friends accept us for who we are, yet are still able to encourage us to be our best. Real friends will even pursue us when we try to push them away – when we may be lost in the dark.
Helen Keller said that, “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”
Friendship is the greatest gift we can offer another human being. Friendship is love wearing work boots. Being a friend is choosing to be with someone in their need even though you would rather be somewhere else.
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief or bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.” Henri Nouwen
Friends are the essence of life. Friends are often the heart of God with hands and feet. We would be wise to make friends before we need them. What we sow we will reap. As we give friendship we make friends.
So, whose friend are you? It’s never too late to start…
Proverbs 17:7
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
John 15:14
You are my friends if you do what I command.