What would life look like without emotion? Not very good. No happiness, no surprise, no sadness, no anger, no fear, no disgust, and no contempt.
Emotions are powerful and profound gifts from God. Emotion is part of what makes us human. To be truly human is to be able to experience a full range of emotions.
Have you seen the movie Inside Out? Though it is an animated movie written for children it is a profound analysis of the human emotional psyche. We are taken on a journey into the mind and heart of a 10 year old girl and the impact decisions have on her emotions and the impact emotions have on her decisions. Joy, sadness, fear, disgust and anger are the main characters in this incredible story.
Our own emotions, though a significant aspect of our everyday life experience, can be an aspect of ourselves we little understand. We all struggle with emotions in different ways: some men struggle to experience emotions, while others struggle to keep their emotions in control. If we were to look at a spectrum of emotions we would see at one end being controlled by emotion, with the other end being more or less “robotic” or emotionless.
I believe neither end of the spectrum is how God has created us to function. We are not designed to be controlled by our emotions, nor are we designed to live without emotion. I learned recently that we need to be able to perceive, understand, use and manage our emotions.
We need to be able to perceive what is going on with our and with others’ emotions; we then need to be able to understand what has led to this particular emotional state; then use those valid emotions to move us forward; while managing our emotions in a way that does not negate their reality, nor allow them to rage unabated in our hearts without the reigns of Truth to manage them.
I discovered much to my chagrin that I tend to jump from perceiving emotions to managing them. Take anger for example, if one of our sons – or even my wife – was angry, I would perceive it, then move right to managing it without validating the emotion, what was causing it and how it can be a motivator for change. My goal was to stop the anger.
Shameful really. Continuing in that emotional strategy creates robots – and alienates relationships. No room to be human. No room to safely share emotion.
Not good.
I was recently speaking with a young man who is very emotionally driven. We talked about how his emotions are a gift from God. His open and tender heart enables him to experience emotion in a profound way. Although, he does not necessarily see this as a blessing. He feels like his emotions control him more than he controls his emotions.
And therein lies the quandary: How do we control our emotions without denying them, yet also not letting them control us? How do we create change in our lives in the midst of emotions that may not necessarily be conducive to facilitating that change? I want to change, but I don’t feel like it…
I pictured a train in my mind. As you know, with trains all the cars are in line – there is a sequence and an order to them. I believe creating change is similar to a train: there are certain cars we need to put in order if we are going to change behavior. I call this the Change Train:
Beliefs – Thoughts – Actions – Feelings
Beliefs are the locomotive driving the train, followed by thoughts, then actions, with feelings the caboose. Feelings are a key part of the train, but they can’t drive it. The Change Train is driven by what we believe. We bring our thoughts in line with what we believe, our action changes based on what we believe and what we think about, and our feelings come in line with our actions.
Creating change starts with addressing our beliefs. What we choose to believe informs our thoughts, actions and feelings.
Feelings are a wonderful gift from God and have their rightful place in the Change Train.
Hebrews 3:19
“So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.”
Proverbs 29:11
“Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”
Proverbs 14:15
“The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.”
Mark 9:23, 24
“‘If you can’?’ said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for one who believes.’ Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’”