Have you ever asked yourself that question: “What is a man?” It’s a big question. It’s also a question we don’t ask very often. And, perhaps in light of that, we find it difficult to answer.

If we are going to be good men, we need to be able to answer this question for ourselves. And clearly, if we’re going to raise sons to be good men it’s important that we have an answer to this question. Entire books have been written to answer this question, but I think we also need a simple definition we can remind ourselves of every day.

Many years ago when working through what I wanted to teach my sons about what it means to be a man, I put together a definition of a man. The definition I came up with was the result of input from many different sources, and included my person beliefs about what it means to be a man.

I would like to share this definition with you, but we need to have a little understanding first. Firstly, this is my definition and it does not need to be yours. Perhaps it will get your thinking about what you believe about masculinity and can act as a catalyst for your own definition. Great. My hope is that sharing this will help you chew through the issue.

Secondly, I hope this does help you to “chew” through the question. This is something you need to own for yourself. It has to go to your core. You need to spend time digging deeply into this. Read, study, listen, discuss, and mull it over until you develop conviction in regard to your definition.

So are we agreed? This is not the definition to end all definitions of manhood – it’s merely what I came up with. And, you will use this as a catalyst to develop your own definition. Yes?

Ok, here we go…

It’s an acronym: T.R.A.P.S.S. Life has many ‘TRAPSS’ that can captivate and hinder men from apprehending all that for which Jesus has apprehended us. This list is an action plan to enable you to avoid these traps and to be the man you have been created, crafted and called to be.

You were born a male, but you must choose to be a man – choose well!

Real men…

T – Take courage & initiative.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.” I Corinthians 16:13, 14

R – Resist passivity.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

A – Accept responsibility.

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” Matthew 25:21

P – Press on toward the goal of God’s Kingdom in them and through them.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14

S – Seek and love God with their heart, mind, soul and strength.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” Matthew 22:37

S – Serve and love others with their time, talent and treasure.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” I Peter 4:10

“And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:39

There is a lot of character represented in those 6 axioms: initiative, courage, responsibility, perseverance, hard work, dedication, commitment, conviction, fortitude, strength, love, service, sacrifice, worship, humility, passion, purpose and much more.

So what is a man? Someone who takes courage and initiative; resists passivity; accepts responsibility; presses on toward God’s Kingdom in him and through him; seeks and loves God; and who serves and loves others.

Real men determine to demonstrate these traits. Because manhood is best demonstrated, not merely deliberated.

Have you had a bad day recently? I am not talking something tragic, which I know many have suffered. I am referring to a simple bad day. A day when more things seem to go wrong than right.

It can be difficult in the midst of day to day difficulties to maintain levity of heart. We can all too often and all too easily slip into self-pity and discouragement. I want to offer to you an antidote for this. Two choices you can make that will act as a capable defense against discouragement:

Gratitude and humour.

Thanksgiving and laughter are powerful weapons. I will let this humourous story about a commercial diver convey my sentiments. It is from a brother to his sister…

“Hi sis,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it, however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t go to the bathroom for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, the next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.’

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a Jellyfish Bad Day? May you NEVER have a Jellyfish Bad Day!

Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

I must say, I have never experienced a Jelly Fish bad day, but I love the way this man maintained his sense of humour and gratitude.

May we do the same.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:4

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

Proverbs 17:22

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Everyone was there. Today was the day that a number of us were going to be promoted. I could barely contain my excitement.

The anticipation of this moment had been building since we heard that there was going to be a number of us taken aside and given special authority and favor. But who would be chosen?

Would I be one of the ones chosen?

I was confident I would be one of the privileged few. I had worked really hard. I had made this work a top priority. I was passionate about the cause. I had even brought a number of other people on board. I worked well with the other people on the team. And, I’m pretty confident our leader liked me. I had gone out of my way to connect with him and do little things to get his attention.

In addition, I had a good educational pedigree and I came from a good family. My brother was a leader in the same organization so I was confident that would bode well for me as well. Yet I was still extremely nervous as we all stood waiting for the announcement. I felt like a boy on the school yard play ground waiting to be picked for the team…

He gave the motivational speech, which I didn’t really listen to because I was just listening for my name. Then he began: name after name was announced, yet still not mine. After what felt like an eternity he was down to the last position to be filled. It had to be me. I was leaning forward in anticipation that at the sound of my name I would experience the rush of relief, hope, joy and pride as I walked to the front with the others.

But I wasn’t called – I wasn’t chosen – and my world began to collapse around me…

This is how I imagine someone, or many, may have felt the day Jesus chose the 12 disciples. Twelve were chosen to be apostles, but dozens were not.

How would you respond if you were not chosen?

You only have 2 choices: get bitter, or get better.

How about the story of Justice and Mathias in Acts. The disciples needed to fill Judas’ spot so they spoke to both Justice and Mathias to determine who to best fill the spot. Who was God calling to be an apostle? The lot fell to Mathias. Mathias was chosen, Justice was rejected.

Ouch! How would you feel if you were Justice? He missed the first cut when Jesus chose the 12. He had remained faithful and now was his second opportunity to be chosen, only to be rejected again.

How have you reacted when you have not been chosen? We’ve all experienced rejection in all manner of arenas in life: work, relationships, school, sports, church, etc. And, we all have the same choice to make in the midst of the rejection: we can get angry and bitter, or use this to get better.

The easiest choice to make in the face of rejection is to get angry, resentful and bitter. This kind of reaction leads only to further grief. The foundation of this reaction is a lack of understanding of and commitment to the sovereignty of God. It is rooted in a lack of trust in God. It’s a belief that you have to be in control and make things happen according to your plan and desires.

The first emotion we experience in rejection is sorrow. We are hurt and disappointed. Shifting into anger from there comes from our attempt to protect ourselves and lash out at the person who hurt us. However, we can choose by the grace of God to shift not into anger, but into surrender to the Lord’s sovereignty and grace. We must believe that God is big enough in the midst of this situation – we can trust him.

Our disappointment can become His appointment.

By surrendering to and trusting in the greatness and grace of God, we can extend forgiveness and grace to those who reject us, and avoid bitterness to become better. The reality is, God has chosen us.

What have you chosen?

1 Peter 5:6, 7

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Hebrews 12:15

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

John 15:16

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

Colossians 3:13

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Autumn is an awesome season. The changing colors of the leaves on the trees is spectacular. The accompanying fragrance coupled with the crisp, cool, clean air is invigorating.

We have a very large maple tree in our yard. We actually have two maple trees, but one of them is of significant size. Its canopy is magnificent, spreading out over a massive area towering fifty feet above the ground.

One sunny fall day I was across the lake from our house looking through some binoculars to see if I could spot our home tucked away on the lush, evergreen covered mountainside. From a distance of close to 6 kilometres or 3.5 miles I was scanning the mountainside for a clue to where our house was, when I saw a massive golden globe of color amidst the lush greenery. It was our maple tree standing proudly as a glorious autumn beacon of color surrounded by ponderosa pines and douglas firs.

The maple tree’s large leaves, now dressed in their incredible fall colors, were commanding attention in an outstanding fashion that was difficult to ignore. It was brilliant, radiant and resplendent.

Maple trees are beautiful, but they don’t produce fruit. We are not called to be like Maple Trees. We are called to produce fruit. It doesn’t matter how glorious, how together, or how attractive we may look on the outside, if we are not bearing fruit we are not walking with God.

Our goal cannot be to just look good on the outside – we must produce fruit in keeping with our faith. We cannot have big leaves, with not fruit. Our temptation can be to look the part of the outside, to look like we are a “good Christian”, but really not have any substance.

Real faith produces fruit. Real faith is not simply about believing, it’s also about doing. Faith is only faith if it is in action. Faith in action produces fruit. Scripture tells us that faith without action is actually dead.

The Pharisees were condemned by Jesus because they sought to justify themselves in the eyes of men – to look good on the outside – but God knew what was in their hearts. He knew what the fruit of their lives was.

They had big leaves, but no fruit.

How about you? Do you have big leaves with little or no fruit?

Jesus said that pruning makes us fruitful. What does that mean? What things need to be pruned from our lives to make us fruitful? And what does ‘fruit’ in our lives look like anyway?

Well, we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That’s good fruit. How about generosity, serving others, sacrificial giving, hospitality, and the like? That’s good fruit too.

Do you produce that kind of fruit? If you don’t, then it may be time for some pruning.

What do we need to prune to become more fruitful? I think there are 4 areas of our lives we can prune in order to bear more fruit:

1. Unhealthy habits
2. Sin
3. Busyness
4. Unhealthy relationship

Let’s ask the Lord about this, “Lord, are there unhealthy habits I need to prune off that hinder me from walking in faith in action? What sin have I chosen or allowed to infiltrate my life that inhibits fruitfulness? Am I hiding in busyness and, therefore, not investing my time in what is truly valuable? What relationships am I holding onto that are pulling me away from you?”

We live in a culture that emphasizes the outward appearance at the expense of the true character of a man. Character determines fruit. A man’s character is reflected in the fruit of his life. We are created, crafted and called by God to be men of character who live fruitful lives for the benefit of others.

Jesus created, crafted and called us that we might produce fruit, fruit that remains and that has eternal significance. Take some time this week to ask the Lord to show you how you can increase your fruitfulness.

Let’s not have big leaves with no fruit. Only faith in action is true faith. What is the action the Lord is asking you to take?

Matthew 7:19, 20

“Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”

John 15:16, 17

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.”

James 2:17

“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”