I got some great advice a number of years ago,

“Dave, Anne is not a problem to be solved, she is a mystery to be delighted in.”

Chew on that for little while…not a problem to be solved, a mystery to be delighted in… If every man could just understand that, we would be way ahead of the game – and I think women would be as well.

Men are oftentimes fixers. We like to fix things. Sometimes we even like to fix thing that aren’t broken, and that’s how we can actually make something good even better. We like to tinker as well. Nothing is really wrong with whatever the piece of equipment or machinery we have, but we just want to do a little tinkering. I tinker with my boat – I call it my “tinker time”. It’s therapy.

This ability to fix things and to tinker is great when applied to things, but not so great when it’s applied to our spouses. I have discovered Anne does not want to be fixed, she wants to be listened to, to be heard, to be enjoyed regardless of what she may be experiencing. She doesn’t want my solutions, she wants my heart.

And, she doesn’t want to have to give me reasons for everything. I will often ask her what her thoughts are on a certain topic, or issue we need to address. She will give me her perspective. Then, in an attempt to understand why she sees things that way I will ask, “Why do you think that?”

This is where the problems begin…

No matter how clearly she thinks she is answering me, it’s not quite what I need to understand her. There often seems to be “mystery” surrounding her reason. I have not yet learned very well how to simply enjoy the mystery. I keep pushing for more clarity and… well, let’s just say that Anne doesn’t appreciate that.

As we know, females are created in the image of God. As are men, but females bear the image of God uniquely from men. There is a beauty, a tenderness, a strength, a vulnerability, a desire to nurture and nourish, a desire to be pursued, and a mystery women carry as part of the image of God that is very different from men.

Scripture tells us that it is the glory of God to conceal a matter and the glory of kings to seek it out. No one can deny that God is mysterious. He cannot be understood entirely. All we know about Him is what He has chosen to reveal to us. He is infinite. If we are truly to know God, we must be content with mystery.

Similarly with women, if we are to truly know our spouse, we must be content with mystery. We must be willing to put aside our desire to understand, order, fix and align, and replace it with a desire to pursue, discover and delight in. Scripture tells us that God wants us to pursue Him – He is worth our wholehearted efforts. He is a wonderful mystery to be explored and delighted in.

Your wife bears this same aspect of the image of God: she wants to be pursued; she wants your wholehearted effort to discover and delight in the mystery that she is. She wants to be heard, more than to be understood. She wants your empathy, not your strategy. She wants your delight, not your disappointment. She wants your companionship, your fellowship, your partnership, your courtship and your servant leadership, not your ownership and your dictatorship.

Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said there are a few things he simply couldn’t understand, and one of them was the “way of a man with a maiden”. I’m pretty sure he was not talking about the male side of that equation, but the mystery of the profound and powerful effect a woman has on a man.

In order to truly know and delight in God we must become comfortable with mystery. Likewise with women, you will not truly know and delight in your wife if you do not become comfortable with her mysterious ways.

As Bono said, “She moves in mysterious ways.”

Genesis 1:27

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

Proverbs 30:18, 19

“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a young woman.”

Proverbs 25:2

“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.”

Jeremiah 29:13

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Here comes the plane…it’s getting closer…open up the hanger and let it in…

The sound of the plane engine was whining in the background as the plane got closer and closer. Nobody wanted a crash. This plane had to make it into the hanger safely. However, the success of this entire mission rested, of course, with the hanger manager – he had to open up the door to the hanger at just the right time.

The plane was a spoon full of food, the engine sound was a fairly decent replica created by myself, and the hanger was the mouth of the hanger manager – my infant son. Do you remember those days of spoon feeding your kids? Perhaps you are still there? Maybe you are spoon feeding your grandkids now?

Those were great days, but I am glad they are over. It was totally appropriate to spoon feed our kids when they were infants, but once they learned to feed themselves it became inappropriate to spoon feed them anymore.

Our oldest son is now living independently with 2 roommates on the other side of Canada. He is learning what is really involved in feeding himself. He lived at home while he got his university degree and my wife Anne ensured that he was well fed. Sure, he learned how to feed himself to a certain degree, but it’s a whole new ball game now.

He has to now plan his meals. He has to buy groceries in order to make those meals. He has to set aside the time in his schedule to do all of that as well as the time necessary to make those meals. It is proving to be a bit of an adjustment for him. However, this is all part of being an independent man.

He must now be proactive, not simply reactive.

Ok, a bit of a confession here: Anne and I got married right after university. I lived at home during university so my mom kept me well fed. Since we got married, Anne has done a wonderful job of nourishing me. I am learning to cook – encouraged by many of my more gastronomically gifted guy friends. However, Anne does the heavy lifting here. If I had to do it myself I am sure I would flounder greatly.

Regardless of your ability to cook and sustain yourself physically, every mature man needs to be able to nourish himself spiritually. We cannot be men and be spoon fed. Picture your wife sitting you down at the dinner table, putting a bib around your neck and spooning your food into your mouth. It’s ludicrous right?!

However, many men seem to take that attitude into their spiritual food. We want someone to spoon feed us truth so we don’t have to work so hard to extract the nourishment we need to grow. If we are going to grow into strong, mature men of God we must know how to feed ourselves on the Word of God.

We must know how to feed on the meat of deeper Truths and not sip on the milk of elementary Truths. Sure, we need the input of others, but we must be self-motivated to chew into the deeper transformational Truths of scripture.

We must be proactive, not simply reactive.

So how hungry are you to feed on the meat of scripture? How adept are you at feeding yourself? How can you feed those who look to you for leadership if you don’t know how to feed yourself? How proactive are you?

Like my son is learning in the physical, we must learn in the spiritual how to plan and execute an effective spiritual meal plan to ensure we are healthy and grow strong in faith. Book the time into your schedule to study scripture, to follow a devotional plan. Participate in small group Bible studies when you can. Bring your bible and a notebook to your church service and take notes. Go through your notes later on in the week. Train yourself in righteousness.

You will not grow strong in faith by being spoon fed – proactively chew into Truth.

Hebrews 5:12-14

“In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

Isaiah 43:22

“Yet you have not called on me, Jacob, you have not wearied yourselves for me, Israel.”

1 Timothy 4:6-8

“If you point these things out to the brothers and sisters, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, nourished on the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

I sat there starting at the blank page in my journal,

“Ok, this is it. Here I go, I’m going to start…”

And then came the opposition…

“Who do I think I am? What do I have to give? What difference can I possibly make? I’ve never done this before. I can’t do this. I won’t be able to keep going. I will ultimately fail, so why bother even starting?”

Do you have inner doubts like that too? I have a sneaking suspicion that you know what I’m talking about. I don’t know about you, but the Whisper Campaign of lies sent from the enemy often comes in the ‘first person’, not the ‘third person’. They come across as thoughts I am having about myself. And the thoughts I was now having about myself were not encouraging thoughts.

I had felt the “niggle” of the Holy Spirit. I had sensed the “nudge” of God. I believed that he wanted me to do something I had not done before. Sure, I had faith to step out, but I also felt insecure. I felt intimidated. I felt afraid.

What was the niggle of the Holy Spirit about? What was the essence of the nudge of God? What did I sense the Lord was asking me to do?

Write.

I believed that the Lord wanted me to write bite-sized bits of Truth to encourage men. He caught my attention with Ephesians 1:18-20:

“I pray that the Lord will open the eyes of your heart that you might see the hope to which he has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incredibly great power that is at work in you.”

The Lord was nudging me to write short e-visionals to help open the eyes of men’s heart – to adjust their “Viz” to see the bigger picture. To encourage them and envision them in the Truth.

But I had not done anything like this before. Was I going to be able to do it? How do I do it?

I went away on a bit of a personal retreat, prayed, and began to write. I asked the Lord to help me find His heart, to discover what He wanted me to say. I had a niggle for the format: Tell a real life story. Draw out the lesson. Present the application. Apply scripture.

Ok, I could do that.

I wrote a list of 70 topics (stories) that I thought I could work with, and began to write. My BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) was to be able to write 1 “How’s the Viz?” every week for 7 years. If I could do that then I would have 1 e-visional for every day of the year. However, I really couldn’t imagine doing that. I was simply going to commit to writing 1 How’s The Viz? every week and see how long I could go.

Well, you know what? This is my 365^th How’s The Viz?. It’s hard to believe. I have written every week for 7 years. That’s over a quarter of a million words. It’s over 1,000 Bible verses. It’s over 1,000 pages.

Wow – it’s hard to believe.

So, do I tell you this so somehow say I’m awesome?

No.

I tell you this to say that if I can step out into the niggle and nudge of God you can too. It’s been said that the journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.

What is the niggle you are sensing? What is the Lord nudging you to do? What step do need you to take?

Take it.

Step out. Listen to the niggle of the Lord. Respond to His nudge. Enlist the help of your allies to help you and to keep you focused.

Then do it.

Commit yourself to keep moving forward. Take one step at a time. You can do that. Don’t let self-doubt hold you back. Don’t let the Whisper Campaign of the enemy take you out. The Lord will provide the grace you need to do the good work He has for you to do.

The lives of many are impacted by the courage of a few. Take courage.

So, how will you respond to the niggle and nudge of God?

Ephesians 2:10

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Philippians 2:13

“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

I knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared, but it still hit me.

For 23 years he has lived in our home. He has been part of everything we have experienced as a family for over 2 decades. Sure, he went away for a number of extended periods for work or for school, but he was always home after no more than 4 months.

It’s different this time. This time he’s gone for good, or at least for a very long time…

Our oldest son David graduated from university in December and landed a plumb job in Ottawa. He is the Executive Assistant for a very well-respected Member of Parliament. He is living the dream.

He secured his first apartment with 2 other young men from his church. He has the suits, the shoes, the shirts, the ties, the coats and the briefcase to do what he needs to do. His office is in East Block on the Hill – just above where John A. MacDonald’s office was. He keeps pinching himself that he is actually there doing what he is doing.

He is journeying with Jesus in the epic adventure He has for David. He is definitely “exhilified” – exhilarated and terrified – but he knows he is where God has called him to be. He is following Jesus in the plan for his life.

All good right?

Wrong. I’m a bit of a mess.

All you guys who have had a son or daughter leave the house, move to another city or country, and begin to live their life know what I am experiencing. Somehow there is a hole in our home and in my heart. Sure, we talk just about every day, but he is not at home any more.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I am delighted for him, but it hurts a little too. For 23 years he brought a unique essence of the heart of God to our family and to those our family touched. It has been a thrill to experience all the different aspects of boyhood and young manhood together.

David and I had breakfast together every second week for over 10 years and we worked our way through the 5 seasons of his life staring at 10 years of age until he was over 20: Wilderness, Wildlife, Weapons, Women, Work. And now he has jumped into the Work God has for him. I will miss our late night conversations, our times in the boat, our hikes, our skiing, our movies, our meals, and just hanging out.

It’s super, but sad. Awesome, but awful. Delightful, but depressing.

He is now decisively journeying with Jesus in the adventure of God’s Kingdom in him and through him in a whole new fashion. He is his own man, walking with God and serving others. Sure, I miss him, but my loss is Ottawa’s gain. I am still his dad, but he has shifted to our Father’s house in a new way.

What I find amazing is how the Lord has led him, guided him, counseled him and watched over him. It was delightful to watch him learning to trust his Father and entrust to His Father the desires of his heart. He wasn’t sure if he would end up doing what he really wanted to do at this stage in his life. He wasn’t sure if he could trust God with his heart.

He has experienced the extravagance of God is a tangible fashion. His faith is deepening as he steps out and steps up. God is indeed faithful.

We can indeed trust God. And, we can indeed trust God with our children. The same promises God has given us, He has given to our children.

God has no grandchildren – only children.

Men, we can trust God to lead us and guide us. We can trust God to provide for us. And, we can trust God to do the same for our children. Things may not always go the way that we think they should go, but our God has promised to be with us.

At some point our children step out of our homes on their own journey of faith, and it’s good.

Psalm 32:8

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”

Isaiah 43:1-6

“’Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you…Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’”

Psalm 37:4

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”