I got an email from a friend the other week asking if I wanted to get together for a coffee in the near future. I am not particularly close with this man – we have gotten together on a few occasions. He has taken me out for lunch a couple of times to discuss parenting and other issues pertinent to men. He is a good man who is very intent on moving forward in his journey with Jesus.
There was a different tone in his invitation this time. Nothing overt, but I sensed that he didn’t want to get any input on a particular issue, but he wanted to share something with me. “Something that would be helpful for me to know.”
Hmmm. Something is up.
We set up a time and tried to meet, but I ended up having to forgo our meeting because a meeting went longer and I lost my window of opportunity. So, I called him after my meetings, apologized and asked if he wanted to get together another time, or chat on the phone.
He said “no problem – let’s talk now.” He gave me an update on some of the issues we previously talked about. He then encouraged me, thanked me for how I am walking with Jesus to fight for the hearts of men, and shared a simple, gentle correction.
During our last lunch meeting he felt I was distracted and seemed more interested in the people walking past our table than in him. He encouraged me to not be so distracted by others and focus on the person I am talking to at the time.
Good point. I agree. In fact, those kinds of guys really tick me off. You know the guy at the business networking event, Chamber luncheon, men’s event, and after church foyer talk time where they are talking to you, but their eyes are looking past you to see if there is someone else more important to talk to?
Man, I dislike that, and I never want to be that guy.
According to my friend, I had become that guy during our lunch. Bummer. I apologized and thanked him for his courage to share, and the care with which he offered it. I received the heads-up and we moved on. No issues.
It would have been easier for him not to say a thing – which we often choose to do. However, I would have missed the opportunity to embrace humility and experience some personal growth. His ‘correction’ was very easy to receive because I know he cares for me, he respects me and he is ‘for’ me. He wasn’t venting, he was sharing something to help me. He wasn’t criticizing, he was correcting. There is a big difference – criticizing tears down, correcting builds up.
I could have gotten my back up and gotten all knotted up. “Who does he think he is?” “Do you have any idea how intently I listen to people and focus on them?” “That’s the last time I’ll agree to get together with him – I’ve got plenty of important things to fill my time with.” All of that is just pride, bravado and the ranting of an insecure man.
Iron sharpening iron is one man helping another man to see an area for growth that he may not be able to see himself. It’s done in respect, within relationship and with a healthy dose of encouragement if possible. It is correction meant to build up, not criticism which tears down. Being a good friend to someone is not telling them what they want to hear, it involves treating them like a man and ‘on occasion’ respectfully sharing what would be helpful for their personal growth.
If you have a friend in your life who loves you enough to respectfully, graciously and lovingly share some correction with you, don’t get offended! Embrace humility and thank God you have someone who loves and respects you enough to speak into your life.
And, if you are that guy who sees the need for change, make sure you are respectfully bringing correction for your friend’s benefit, not criticism to make you feel better.
Iron truly sharpens iron when respectful, Truthful correction is offered to and received by a humble, hungry heart. And that leads to life.
Proverbs 27:17
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Proverbs 27:5,6
“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
I Timothy 4:2
“Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.”