I knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared, but it still hit me.
For 23 years he has lived in our home. He has been part of everything we have experienced as a family for over 2 decades. Sure, he went away for a number of extended periods for work or for school, but he was always home after no more than 4 months.
It’s different this time. This time he’s gone for good, or at least for a very long time…
Our oldest son David graduated from university in December and landed a plumb job in Ottawa. He is the Executive Assistant for a very well-respected Member of Parliament. He is living the dream.
He secured his first apartment with 2 other young men from his church. He has the suits, the shoes, the shirts, the ties, the coats and the briefcase to do what he needs to do. His office is in East Block on the Hill – just above where John A. MacDonald’s office was. He keeps pinching himself that he is actually there doing what he is doing.
He is journeying with Jesus in the epic adventure He has for David. He is definitely “exhilified” – exhilarated and terrified – but he knows he is where God has called him to be. He is following Jesus in the plan for his life.
All good right?
Wrong. I’m a bit of a mess.
All you guys who have had a son or daughter leave the house, move to another city or country, and begin to live their life know what I am experiencing. Somehow there is a hole in our home and in my heart. Sure, we talk just about every day, but he is not at home any more.
Hey, don’t get me wrong, I am delighted for him, but it hurts a little too. For 23 years he brought a unique essence of the heart of God to our family and to those our family touched. It has been a thrill to experience all the different aspects of boyhood and young manhood together.
David and I had breakfast together every second week for over 10 years and we worked our way through the 5 seasons of his life staring at 10 years of age until he was over 20: Wilderness, Wildlife, Weapons, Women, Work. And now he has jumped into the Work God has for him. I will miss our late night conversations, our times in the boat, our hikes, our skiing, our movies, our meals, and just hanging out.
It’s super, but sad. Awesome, but awful. Delightful, but depressing.
He is now decisively journeying with Jesus in the adventure of God’s Kingdom in him and through him in a whole new fashion. He is his own man, walking with God and serving others. Sure, I miss him, but my loss is Ottawa’s gain. I am still his dad, but he has shifted to our Father’s house in a new way.
What I find amazing is how the Lord has led him, guided him, counseled him and watched over him. It was delightful to watch him learning to trust his Father and entrust to His Father the desires of his heart. He wasn’t sure if he would end up doing what he really wanted to do at this stage in his life. He wasn’t sure if he could trust God with his heart.
He has experienced the extravagance of God is a tangible fashion. His faith is deepening as he steps out and steps up. God is indeed faithful.
We can indeed trust God. And, we can indeed trust God with our children. The same promises God has given us, He has given to our children.
God has no grandchildren – only children.
Men, we can trust God to lead us and guide us. We can trust God to provide for us. And, we can trust God to do the same for our children. Things may not always go the way that we think they should go, but our God has promised to be with us.
At some point our children step out of our homes on their own journey of faith, and it’s good.
Psalm 32:8
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
Isaiah 43:1-6
“’Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you…Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’”
Psalm 37:4
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”