June 1, 2009
Years ago I was going through a very difficult time in my life. The Lord was “laying siege” to my life and actively cutting off all the things I went to for life apart from Him. I was angry, frustrated, depressed, lonely, afraid and confused. I couldn’t really understand why my life was going so badly. I loved Jesus. I wanted to follow Him. I wanted to serve Him. Why was I feeling so bad? Why did God seem so far away? Why was everything falling apart?
I needed help, so I went up to be prayed for at the end of a morning service. I wanted to meet with God and ask Him to touch me. However, I didn’t receive the comfort I was looking for. I felt like I was being forced to face the pain so I could receive God’s comfort and healing, but He was nowhere to be found. What’s going on? Does God not care? Does nobody care? I was really hurt and angry, so I left. I got in my car and drove away. I didn’t know where I was going, I just left. I did what I had done for years. I ran. If things didn’t work the way I wanted them to, I would withdraw, runaway and try to make it work another way.
I ended up later in the day sitting alone trying to figure out what was going on. As I sat there, this thought came to me: Why do I always run from God whenever I’m hurt of offended? This indicates that I don’t really believe that God is the only source of life. I had believed the lie that I don’t need anyone – including God. This is why I run away when I am hurt.
This was a major revelation for me. I didn’t really believe that Jesus is the only source of life. I needed to ask the Lord to forgive me. I needed to break the power of the lie I had believed – that I need no one, including God. I needed to ask the Lord to heal those deep wounded areas in my heart. And, I needed to keep coming to Him even if He seemed far away. If Jesus is the only source of life, then where else can I go?
Jesus is our only source of life. Don’t run away. Run to Him.
John 6:67-68
“‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.'”
Strength and courage,
David