I had an incident with my son the other night. Not a big deal, but it’s an issue we have been struggling with for years.
I reached my boiling point.
I got really angry. I got disproportionately angry. No yelling. No hurtful words. Just silent rage. Inside I was yelling, screaming and saying things that are meant to stay in my inside voice.
I left the dinner table and started doing the dishes – steaming.
To his credit my son came over and apologized for what he did; taking ownership for his behaviour he asked for forgiveness. I forgave him…but not really. You see, we have repeated this scenario over and over again. The same attitude, the same response, then the same apology and repentance.
But repentance is really a change in behavior, and that’s what I want to see. He keeps repeating this behaviour and frankly I am fed up.
I couldn’t stick around, so I told Anne I was going to wash her car and left. I washed her car, vacuumed it, had a caramel macchiato at Starbucks, went to the bank and then drove around for an hour trying to think and pray through this…
“All he has ever known is a supportive and engaged father – it’s time for him to experience what an unsupportive and disengaged father looks like. Maybe then he won’t take me for granted and appreciate me more.”
Ouch, that really looks ugly when I write it down, but that was what I was thinking was the best way to deal with this.
Sure there were lots of other thoughts running around my mind, but it pretty much boiled down to that. He had disrespected me once too often and now I was done.
“If you are going to treat me like that then f-you, I don’t need you anyway.”
Ouch again – there is that horrifically ugly sinful response to wounding that I have been working for years to get free from.
Whoa, this is really disproportionate…I think the Lord needs to show me something here.
I came home in no better mood than when I left. Anne confronted me to ask how I was. She saw the black storm cloud that was my attitude and indicated this was way out of proportion to what happened.
My anger pushed her away too.
I sat outside alone on the deck in the dark trying to find God in this whole thing, but was feeling quite justified in my anger. I was still thinking I needed to start acting disengaged and unsupportive toward my son so he will grow to appreciate who I am.
And, that’s when it happened…
I was looking to my left at a large maple tree in our yard, praying, thinking, whining, complaining, plotting, scheming, and wallowing. As I began to move my focus to my right I saw it.
Or should I say I saw him.
Standing right beside me, lurking over me, lying in wait for me, was a tall, black, cloaked figure. I saw the figure for an instant then it was gone. Fear shot through my body like lightning. Every hair on my body stood wildly to attention.
And then the Lord stepped in. In a nanosecond I realized my anger needed to be redirected. There is an enemy lying in wait to destroy all the life God has for me, and my son.
I redirected my anger from my son, to the enemy.
I began to vehemently pray against the strategy of the enemy. I rebuked rage, pride, arrogance, self-pity, division, discouragement, despair and the like. I realized if the enemy is lying in wait to destroy me he is doing the same with my son, so I began to rebuke the strategy of the enemy set against him: diminishment, self-hatred, pride, division, hopelessness, despair and the like.
I asked the Lord to forgive me for my pride and self-pity, and to fill me with the Holy Spirit. My heart shifted. My rage toward my son was gone.
I want a precious, engaged, loving, strong father/son relationship with my son and with my Father. But that is not what the enemy wants.
Wow, what a revelation. I realize how important it is to redirect our anger. Don’t deny your anger. Don’t pretend it’s not there. Don’t try to bury it under religious platitudes. Don’t vent on those you love. No, redirect it toward the one who wants to destroy those you love, you, and all the life God has for you and through you.
Redirect your anger toward the enemy, and humbly submit to the Lord, then watch the miracle of how He changes your heart.
James 4:7
“So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper.” (The Message)
1 Peter 5:8
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
2 Corinthians 10:3-5
“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”