“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship.
I was at my whit’s end…
Why is everything so difficult? Why does God seem so far away? Why do I always feel so lousy? Where was the life we were supposed to experience as Christians? My walk with Jesus seemed to consist of me wanting to experience the life He has for me, and me being disappointed because He wasn’t doing what I wanted Him to do, or was hoping He would do. Or perhaps more accurately, what I expected Him to do.
So, one more time I was being prayed for by some people after the church meeting and one of them suggested I pray a certain way…he suggested I pray this prayer:
“Lord, kill me good.”
What?! Are you kidding me? What does that mean?
This person was seeing more accurately than I was the process God had me in. Jesus was bidding me to come and die. I wasn’t really seeing that, but my friend was. Jesus was indeed inviting me to surrender my life to Him so that His life could live in me.
Hey, I was already a Jesus follower though. I had been walking with Jesus for years by this time. However, I had not really surrendered to Him. I had not really shifted out of the mindset that life was about me, and Jesus meeting my needs. I still wanted Him to do what I wanted Him to do, not the other way around.
This process is called surrender. If we want to walk in all the life that Jesus has for us, to truly follow Him where He is leading then we must surrender to Him. And, this is not a one-time decision, it’s a life-style. We are called to a life of surrender.
“Not my will, but yours be done”, needs to be our prayer.
It starts with us laying down our expectations, hopes, dream and rights. That is tough to do, but it is absolutely critical for us to discover the life of Christ. Our emotions can often get in the way. We want to do what feels good, so difficult decisions like surrendering to Jesus, like trusting God, like choosing humility and vulnerability even though it freaks us out, can be very threatening.
Worship for example: do we worship because it makes us feel good? Or, do we offer a wounded, broken and humble heart to the Lord because He is the only source of life? Do we declare praises to God for His great goodness and good greatness because we feel full of faith, or do we also declare His praises simply because He is worthy even if we feel faithless?
There is no blueprint for surrender though. I wish I could give you the formula, but I can’t. It looks different for everyone. The way the Lord beckoned me to come and die will look different from how He beckons you. The end result is the same – Jesus being Lord in your life and you walking in the life He promised.
Surrender is more than simply giving Jesus your brokenness, pain, wounding and sin. Those are all things we want to be rid of. As I mentioned earlier, surrender also involves giving to Jesus all that you want, dream of, hope for and expect from Him. We must come to the place of believing that He is enough – period. All we need is God and there is life nowhere else but in Him.
The door to your future in Jesus is in the shape of a coffin. Death to self leads to life in Christ. As Bonhoeffer indicated, Jesus beckons us to come and die to our self that we might find true life in Him. We often resist surrendering our ragged comforts and convictions and miss acquiring the riches of Christ.
Surrender is the beginning to the life you are truly looking for in Christ. That which may threaten you the most is the very thing that leads to what your heart deeply longs for. May I suggest a prayer to help you surrender and truly exchange your rags for Christ’s riches…
“Lord, kill me good.”
Matthew 16:24
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
John 6:67-69
“‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.'”
Philippians 3:7-8
“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ”