Who Says “No” to You?
“I don’t think you understand, nobody says “no” to Mr. Smith.”
And the meeting summarily ended.
The background to this encounter involved a high profile, high-powered televangelist who was invited to take his show on the road to Britain. The two British church leaders hoping to work with him had flown to his headquarters in the US. They were ushered into a private room to await the arrival of the famous preacher. Amidst much posturing and bravado the televangelist entered the room and outlined how he was going to bring his road show to the British people.
At the end of his high energy monologue he finished by stating, “Ok, so that’s how we’ll do it – we’re good to go then.”
His guests responded by saying, in effect, “No, we’re not good to go. It may work in your culture, but it won’t work in ours.”
With that the televangelist left the room. His assistant then indicated that “no” was not a word you said to “Mr. Smith”.
Clearly I have changed the name of the televangelist to protect his identity, but needless to say, pride came before the fall and his ministry suffered a major blow when it was discovered he had repeated, significant moral failures.
It would appear that ‘pride’ was a significant issue he needed to deal with. Anyone who isn’t willing to have someone tell them ‘no’ clearly has an issue with pride.
“I’m right – you’re wrong.” “I know what’s best – you don’t”. That is arrogance. That is being unteachable, uncoachable, unleadable. God resists the proud, and you don’t want to live there.
Humility is the only antidote.
We can humble ourselves, or God has humble us. It certainly is far less painful if we can choose to humble ourselves, but God loves us enough to know that the short term pain of Him humbling us creates long term gain.
My question to you is simply, “Who says “no” to you?”
To whom have you given permission to confront you and tell you that you are off base, off track, or off your rocker? This is an initiative that we need to take. Nobody can force this on us – we must invite people to give us this kind of input. We must choose humility in order to walk this way.
I know that getting the kind of input that cuts across the grain can be very aggravating. It can be like petting a cat backwards – it rubs you the wrong way. Don’t get offended when people point out to you where you may be off-base. Thank God that you have people in your life who love you enough to help you see your error. The input you receive may not be totally accurate or even worthy of implementation, but it is worthy of consideration and submission to the Lord and to your trusted advisors.
I have discovered that it is oftentimes flawed people who give us this kind of input. It’s easy to get angry and write off what they say because of how they may have said it, or the timing of their input. Well you know what? The only kind of people God has to work with are flawed people, so don’t write off what they have to say because it wasn’t done exactly the way you would have wanted it said.
Get over it and take the input to the Lord – “Lord, what do you want to teach me in this?
I am utterly convinced that the prerequisite to freedom, hope, healing, strength, love and the life we are looking for, is humility. Humility unlocks the grace of God and the work of God. One powerful way we can choose humility is to invite people in our life to share truthfully with us. And, be big enough (read ‘humble enough’) to not get offended by someone disagreeing with you, but graciously receive their input – no matter how ungraciously it was given – and take it to the Lord for His perspective.
Thank God for friends who are willing to speak the truth to you. Friendship without truth really isn’t ‘friendship’, it’s ‘bullship’.
It is a wise man who chooses humility and invites others to say “no” to him.
Proverbs 18:12
“Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.”
Isaiah 66:2b
“These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word.”
Proverbs 19:20
“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”
You Are Not Good Enough
“Hey Dad, I got the silver medal!”
I had just come running through the door after returning from my first high school wrestling competition. I won the silver medal at the provincials so I was excitedly waving my medal around telling Dad about my conquest, hoping to get some affirmation. What I received was not exactly what I was looking for…
“Why didn’t you get the gold?!”
Ouch.
It was an innocuous enough comment though. My dad wasn’t being harsh or critical; he simply asked a fair question. When he saw the dejection on my face he quickly said that silver is really good too.
However, the damage had been done. Not so much from his comment, but from the work of the one who is at war with those who bear the image of God. The lie that went deep into my impressionable heart was that I was not good enough. Second place was not good enough. I had to win to be acceptable.
This incident set me off on trajectory that led me to being a driven man who had to win. And, if I didn’t know I could win, well then I simply wouldn’t participate – I would withdraw. I became a ‘puffer fish’ and a ‘chameleon’.
Now I know that my story is not unique. I am willing to venture a guess that 100% of the men reading this e-visional have all heard this lie and swallowed it hook, line and sinker. “You are not good enough.” “You are not smart enough.” “You are not strong enough.” “You are not successful enough”, etc., etc. – you get the picture.
This is a strategy sent to keep us from offering who we are. To keep us from offering the man God has created, crafted and called us to be. These lies are meant to convince us that who we are and what we have to give isn’t up to standard, so just don’t bother to offer yourself – you’re not good enough.
Sit down, shut up and disengage.
There is a secret to getting free from this debilitating lie: agree with it.
Yup, agree with it – you are not good enough. But keep in mind, it’s true but it’s not the Truth. Is it true that we are not ‘good enough’ in God’s eyes – that we fall short of His glory and His standards? Yes, or course. We have a disease called sin. We are broken. We are imperfect. If that was the end of the story we would be hooped. But it’s not the end of the story. If all we knew was that we are infected with an incurable disease called sin then we would be hopeless indeed.
But Jesus is the cure.
Our ‘not good enough’ is trumped by His ‘I am enough’! Jesus is enough and that changes everything. We will only be truly free when we can in humility admit our brokenness, our shortcomings, our sin, our failures and offer them to Jesus. Our ‘not enough’ is transformed by His ‘more than enough’.
When we are weak, then we are strong. We can learn to boast in our weaknesses, just as Paul did, so that we can know the strength of Christ even more. What is impossible for man is possible for God. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
So, the next time you get those condemning and debilitating thoughts that you are not good enough simply say, “I know I am not good enough. I know I am flawed and broken. However, that isn’t the end of the story. Jesus is enough. What is impossible for me is possible for God. I boast in my weakness because when I am weak Jesus can be my strength. God loves me just as I am and He’s not done with me yet. The fact that I am not good enough – and recognize it – qualifies me for the grace of God.”
God doesn’t help those who help themselves, He helps the helpless who know it. He helps those who know they aren’t good enough and come to Him who is more than enough.
Yes, our ‘not good enough’ is replaced by His ‘I am enough’ – and that’s good enough for me!
II Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Philippians 4:13
“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”
Mark 10:27
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.’”
The ‘Look at Me’ Syndrome
“Wow, she is a beauty. Stunning even. And, she’s Italian. Lookin’ very good Dave!”
‘She’, was a 1968 850 fiat Spider convertible sports car – my first car. I bought her for $100 from my youth leader when I was 15. Her name was Brigid, named after the Italian actress Gina Lollobrigida. She was all rusted out and her engine was in dire need of a rebuild, but her leather interior was beautiful.
It was love at first site. I bought her and all the extra parts that came with her.
She was a project car that required countless hours to see her transformed from a rusted out, multi-colored body panelled, barely running piece of junk into the gorgeous exotic sports car I knew she could be. And so, for months on end, I tirelessly worked to make her into the beauty that I wanted to be seen in, and the car that would represent the kind of young man I wanted to be – bold, distinct, exotic, rare, cool, attractive and very popular.
When I was finished she looked incredible. Her rusted body had all been fixed, sculpted and then painted a deep, rich burgundy with white racing stripes running along the bottom of the doors from the front wheel well to the rear wheel well. A chrome and black bumper strip ran the length of her sidelines, a tinted sticker with the word “FIAT” ran the width of the windshield, and her chrome bumpers shone brightly from hours of buffing and polishing. My favourite part was the leather gear shift knob with the ceramic FIAT logo on the top.
Wow, she was stunning! She looked good and so did I when I was driving her. When I drove her she shouted, “Look at me!” And the girls did. I loved it. The only problem was, I didn’t get to enjoy the copious amounts of attention and adulation for long – Brigid’s frame was rusted out and I had to junk her. Yup, she was a beauty, but she was rotten on the inside.
This little story is an illustration of a powerful issue that can cripple us and lead to our spiritual demise. I call it the ‘Look at Me’ syndrome. It’s that need for attention and recognition. It’s the need to be noticed and affirmed. It’s the need for people to know what you do; your significance and importance. It’s the need to look good.
I am very aware of this syndrome, because I had a bad case of it – and still have to fight it.
The ‘Look at Me’ syndrome is based in insecurity and causes us to desire and seek out our own glory. We want attention.
However, God tells us that He will not share His glory with anyone. When we seek out our own glory and not God’s glory we miss His heart and become trapped in pride and the fear of man. Our pride will separate us from the grace of God, and the fear of man will keep us from obeying God because we are more concerned about what men think than what God thinks.
Ultimately God loves us enough to not leave us in this state. He will begin to lovingly and relentlessly humble us and affirm His love for us as beloved sons. The only cure for the ‘Look at Me’ Syndrome is to choose humility and surrender to God, and shift our value and worth from the things of this word and the words of man to a deep core belief that our value and worth is only found in our sonship – the truth of who’s we are as God’s son.
Man or God, who do we love? Praises from men or our Father above? Vanity, will it be our delight, or can God’s love be our song in the night?
We must be about God’s glory, not our own. We must build God’s kingdom, not ours. If we are to walk wholeheartedly in the purposes of God we must repent from our need to be noticed, our ‘Look at Me’ Syndrome, and receive our Father’s love for us as a son in whom He delights.
Our “Look at Me” needs to shift into I “Look to Thee”.
Luke 16:15
“He said to them, ‘You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.'”
I Samuel 16:7
“…The Lords does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
John 7:18
“Whoever speaks on their own does so to gain personal glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.”
Empty
Empty 
It took over 4 years and 225 editions of How’s The Viz?, but it has finally happened…
I don’t have anything to talk about.
That’s right – I’m tapped out. I have sat here for a couple of hours and I can’t come up with anything that I believe the Lord wants me to give to you.
I have been asking the Lord for a number of days what He would have me give to you this week, but I wasn’t hearing much of anything. “Oh well, I will get something close to the day.” But it’s now the wee hours of the morning prior to when I have to load up this week’s visional and I am coming up empty.
I looked back at my week and realized that in the midst of all that filled my time, I didn’t really set aside any time to study God’s Word. Sure, I walked with Him and prayed throughout the days, but I didn’t intentionally set aside time to focus on His Word and ask the Holy Spirit to help me understand the Father’s heart through scripture.
As this realization began to dawn on me I thought of the scripture in Jeremiah 2:13:
“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me the spring of living water and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”
What the Lord is saying about His people is that they have not gone to Him for life and they have gone looking for it somewhere else. They have turned their backs on the source of real life – the spring of living water – and instead they have tried to find life for themselves. And what they are looking to for life and sustenance ‘can’t hold water.’
Have you ever found yourself wondering why you feel so empty? So lifeless?
Perhaps like me in the busyness of life you have neglected the source of your life, the spring of living water. Perhaps you haven’t been feeding on the Truth of God’s word and you have been going elsewhere to find life – none of which can satisfy. Anytime we go looking for life outside of God we’ll come home hungry. Perhaps not at first, but eventually it always ends the same…feeling empty and lifeless.
There is only one source of life and that is God Himself. Jesus said that He is the way, the truth and the life. He also said that anyone who trusts in Him will have a river of living water flow up within them.
I remember years ago late one night, during a difficult time, sitting alone on the floor with the lights off thinking about how I would be better off just leaving all this God stuff – it was too hard. In the midst of my plotting how I could ‘run away’ from God’s refining, He whispered into my heart, “See, you still believe that you will find life outside of me.”
I needed to come to the point of believing, of knowing, that there is only one source of life – Jesus. The very life we are thirsty for, and perhaps looking for in myriad places, is found in only just one.
Jesus.
So my emptiness this week, my inability to come up with an encouraging Word for you, has helped me to recognize my need to continually drink deeply from the spring of living water so that I can offer life to you.
Perhaps this can be an encouragement for you to keep choosing to continue to seek God for your source of life and do not neglect time with Him in the midst of the busyness of life. If you are feeling empty, perhaps you are seeking life from the wrong source.
Jesus is life, and He has plenty for you.
John 14:6
“I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
John 4:14
“but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
John 7:38
“Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”
Don’t Throw Away Your Confidence
“That’s it – I’m done! I can’t take this anymore! This is way too much for me to handle. I don’t have what it takes to do this. I am through.”
Have you ever had those thoughts? Have you ever spoken those words?
I wouldn’t be surprised if every man at some point in time has come to that point of resignation. Perhaps it was a work issue. Perhaps it was a relational issue. Perhaps it was the Lord leading you into or through something that was overwhelming. Or perhaps it was an accumulation of these things all at one time. Whatever the circumstances that were the precursors to your scenario, the result is the same – feeling completely overwhelmed and unable to meet the challenge presented.
Have you ever taken a good long look at who you are, or more accurately who you aren’t, and been profoundly discouraged?
Again, I have no doubt that every man has taken a prolonged look into the virtual mirror and deemed our self to be unworthy, unfit, unable, incapable, and been basically supremely bummed out about who we are.
If you have, join the club. Sometimes I feel like I am the captain of that club. Dang, I wish it wasn’t like that…
This last week was one of those times of massive self-doubt for me. “I can’t do this anymore…this is too hard…I don’t have what it takes to do this…pick someone else Lord, a better man than me.”
So where do we go in those times when we despise ourselves for who we have not become? Where do we go when we are in the midst of the ‘now’ and ‘not yet’? – which is everything this side of heaven. How do we live with hope in the midst of the brokenness?
I was walking through a bird sanctuary wrestling with these issues – no, ‘agonizing’ with these issues – when I stopped and looked at a family of ducks. There were 3 little ducklings and an adult female sunning themselves on a log in the pond. The ducklings could not fly – their wings were tiny little stubs that had not grown into wings capable of sustaining them. They were awkwardly stumbling over each other and falling into the water, all the while their mother stood strong and true beside them.
I thought that this was a good picture of ‘now’ and ‘not yet’. The adult duck represented the not yet for the ducklings, their immaturity represented their now. It would be silly for the ducklings to despise themselves because they weren’t like their mother. They will be like her one day, but not today. There is an appropriateness to who they are now, and an appropriateness to who they will be ‘then’.
Be content in the ‘now’, and live in hopeful expectation of the ‘not yet’.
We can often condemn ourselves for who we are (the now), and lose faith for who we are becoming (the not yet). We can lose heart and give up because of the difficulties we are facing, and lose confidence in who we are becoming.
Losing heart is throwing away your confidence. The writer of Hebrews encourages us to not throw away our confidence. However, that begs the question, “What do you put your confidence in?”, or better still, “In whom do you put your confidence?”
Self-confidence can only take you so far. God confidence will take you much, much further. Sometimes the whole reason we come to those points of crisis when we want to throw it all away; when we feel overwhelmed by life and become profoundly discouraged with who we are; is because God is offering us the opportunity to shift from self-confidence to God confidence. To trust in Him, and in doing so discover a whole new strength and perspective on life.
Apart from Christ we can do nothing, but we can do all things through Him who strengthens us.
So what is our confidence? I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
Yes, Jesus is our confidence. He will complete His good work in you. The crisis or the difficulties you are facing are providing you with an opportunity to shift from self-confidence to God-confidence. Surrender to Jesus anew and ask Him to lead you and guide you, counsel and watch over you.
Don’t throw away your ‘God’ confidence – it’s in Him that we really learn to fly.
Hebrews 10:35
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
Philippians 1:6
“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Psalm 32:8
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”